Isham Adoption Story |
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The decision to adopt a little girl from China took about 2 seconds. The decision to adopt a special needs child took 2 years.
Our story begins 12 years ago when we gave birth to twin boys that were an addition to our 4 year old son. When our twins were 4 months old, we learned the heartbreaking news that one of them had been born with a brain tumor. Unfortunately, he died at age 3. My husband and I always wanted 3 children but I was not ready to try again. There was too much fear of the unknown, too much risk. After 5 years I agreed to have another baby. We were very thrilled to be blessed with a pregnancy right away. Nine months later we welcomed a baby girl to our family. We couldn’t have been happier. Our family was complete and the deep hole that was left from the loss of our son hadn’t filled up, but it had certainly closed over.
Our joy was short-lived when we learned that our daughter had died of SIDS while in the care of her dear baby sitter. She was 4 months old. Once again our world collapsed. As we were gathering all of her baby things to donate to another family, my husband asked, “what if we want to adopt in the future?” That was it, the decision was made. Instead of donating her things we placed them in storage until we could bring a little girl home. We were not looking for a child to replace the ones that had died; we simply wanted to give the love that we had for them, to another child that needed it. We felt adoption was the best way to do this and to complete our family. We also knew that the process would take a couple of years and we would be emotionally ready to start again when it was time to travel.
We were drawn to China and knew that was the way we wanted to move forward with the adoption. I began researching agencies and read through countless home pages until I came across EAC. I knew I didn’t need to look any farther after I read that Margaret Cole had adopted a child, after losing a child to SIDS. After attending an informational meeting near our home in Illinois, we had no doubt that EAC was the right agency for us. All the questions and concerns we had were washed away.
As time dragged on and we completed step after step in moving closer to our adoption, the delays continued to get longer and longer. I was growing very frustrated and impatient as we began having to renew paper work. Time seemed to be standing still and we were getting no closer to the light at the end of the tunnel which was our baby girl. Karla at EAC spoke to me time and time and again and was as reassuring as she could be. She began telling me about special needs children. There were so many options if we wanted to go this route and the wait was so much shorter. I was hooked and knew in my heart that a special needs child was the direction we needed to go. My husband had great reservations. After the losses we had endured, taking a risk with another child with needs was more than he thought we would be able to endure. We also had to think about our other children. Could we take such a big risk with our family? We knew that we had to be very careful and thoughtful about what we decided.
Over time my husband finally agreed to talk to Karla about the options with special needs children. We learned that many things that qualified a child as “special needs” were minor and correctable and were not medical issues at all. We knew that we were not in a place for a medical condition, but minor and correctable? We could do that! We had Karla put our names on the list for special needs exactly 2 years after we began the adoption process. We were so excited! The light at the end of the tunnel was getting brighter and closer. We waited anxiously for our phone call expecting to get a little girl with clubbed feet or a minor ear deformity or something else along those lines. Our call came. How excited we were. However, the child had a need we weren’t expecting. She was born with a tumor that formed at the base of her spinal cord. The tumor had weighed almost as much as she had a birth. However, the tumor had been removed and there was nothing left except for some scaring on her backside. We wanted to say “yes” right away. She sounded perfect. Her special need was a scar that no one would be able to see. Karla said we needed to see an international adoption specialist before we made our decision and saw her picture. We are very glad we followed her advice as we learned so much about her condition. We still had many questions but we came to the realization that there is a risk with EVERY child; we had given birth to 2 seemingly healthy children whose lives sadly ended. It was time to step up and give this little girl, this life, a chance.
We named her EmmaLi and she was 16 months old when I held her in my arms for the first time, my heart felt like it did the moment I held my other children the moment they were born. She was ours. You don’t have to have a child naturally to feel that kind of love. The feeling is the same no matter how you get there. We have only had her a month and it feels like she has been with us her whole life. Everything she experiences with us is a first. We will still have our “first” Christmas, “first” birthday, “first” word and “first” step. We can’t imagine our lives without her now. Because we were willing to take a chance and accept her and any need she came with, she is a bright and shining light in our home. She has even been seen turning a very “attitudinal” teenager to mush. Her personality is full of love and humor. What an amazing blessing she is. Our family is complete and choosing to adopt a special needs child from China was truly the best decision we have ever made as a family. Thank you to EAC for making it such an incredible and rewarding journey.
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