My Biggest Fear Was...

My biggest fear was that I would never have a baby.   It was all I ever wanted.  Having suffered with endometriosis for many years, I knew it would be difficult.  I never imagined that it would be a four year journey which included 4 laparoscopies, 3 HSG's too many blood tests, countless shots, at least 9 inseminations, 2 failed attempts at in-vitro, and a heartbreaking miscarriage.  Then there was emotional pain.  Every month I had to endure yet another loss, and somehow find strength so set myself up all over again.  I never understood why it was happening to me.  The monsters of this world were having babies and leaving them in dumpsters, and I couldn't get pregnant no matter what I did - how can that be? I know the answer now, and I can look back and say it was all worth it because my story has a happy ending - a beautiful little boy name Austin.

My husband and I never really discussed adoption.   It was part of our plan, though - the very last resort.  We would do so many inseminations, then so many in-vitro's and then if none of that worked we would adopt.   Sounds logical, right? But we never thought it was going to come to that because we kept telling ourselves that we were going to get pregnant.  When the day came that we reached the end of our plan and we decided to give up on becoming pregnant, it wasn't as hard to let go as I thought it would be.  I remember a tremendous feeling of relief.   I finally felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel.  We realized that we could become parents without getting pregnant and this time it was really going to happen.  Why didn't we think of this sooner? Six months later we were holding our beautiful baby boy in our arms.  In that instant, all the pain of infertility when away.  We had our baby and we were his parents and our joy was indescribable.

We chose and international adoption for many reasons.   The main reason was time - it took only six months for an infant baby boy (our son was five months old when we brought him home).  We were told domestic adoptions could take years and then there was the unbearable fear that someone could try to take him away from me.  I didn't even like the idea of "open" adoptions, which seem so popular these days.  I waited so long for a baby, I certainly didn't want to share him with anybody.  We decided on Russia because we knew the baby would look like us and we knew the adoption was completely closed.  I was fortunate enough to have chose a wonderful agency like EAC, who patiently helped me through all of the paperwork and, more importantly, gave us the baby of our dreams.

Austin has been with us for three years now. Sometimes we still pinch ourselves when we look at him.  He is so beautiful and smart and loving - we feel like the luckiest people in the world to have this perfect little boy in our lives.  It doesn't matter where he came from - we couldn't possibly feel more love or pride for him.  We realize that some people are meant to become parents through adoption, and we are two of those people.  It is the best thing that has ever happened to us.  I honestly believe that we could not have produced such a beautiful child - we were graciously blessed with him.  He was born in our hearts and was always meant to be our.

Scott and Jodi