Tips to Facilitate Attachment

Children who have been institutionalized have had their bonding cycle interrupted and have learned self gratification and trust in self This child eventually learns less need, less arousal, more immediate self gratification and may desire little or no interaction with others. We can all agree that no child should only have themselves to trust and this self reliance interferes with the desire to rely on and build an attachment with others, including and especially parents. It is important for parents to recognize these difficulties and to engage in behaviors, activities and techniques which repair and establish developmentally appropriate attachments. Some general ideas to keep in mind are: to always speak in a soft loving voice, always look into your child's eyes and gently place your hand on his/her cheek to redirect eye contact and to always respond to your child's needs and always go to your child when s/he cries until an attachment is formed.

Following is a discussion of some more specific activities for you to try.

Vehicles for the Development of Attachment

Touch
Eye Contact
Movement
Vocalizations
Interaction
Play
Food

Child Attachment Behaviors

Reciprocal Smiling
Eye Contact
Proximity Seeking (especially if feeling
hurt or threatened)
Accepts Comfort from You
Uses you as a Secure Base
Appropriate Separation Anxiety
Ability to accept Direction and Guidance from you
Appropriate Stranger Anxiety
Reciprocal Attachment Play


Activities to Promote Attachment

Some activities require close touching that your child may or may not like. Do these when you and your child are ready. Other activities focus on the game and the child wilt be playing without even realizing the physical closeness and intimacy s/he is experiencing These activities will slowly become more comfortable to your child until s/he is comfortable with intimacy in general.

Lullaby: Cradle child (including older children) in arms maintaining ff11 eye contact. Sing lullabies inserting child's name and description of features For example "Twinkle, twinkle little star, what a lovely boy you are. Nice brown hair and soft, soft cheeks, big brown eyes from which you peek. Twinkle, twinkle little star what a lovely Nicholas you are."

Peek a boo with hands, feet, towel blanket, etc.

This little piggy went to market.

"What will happen when I push this button" then gently push your child's oose, ear, toe, etc with "beeps", "honks" or any other silly noise.

Pop cheeks: Fill your own cheeks with air and guide child's hands to push on your cheeks to "pop" them. Then have child fill cheeks and you pop them.

Patty cake: can be played with feet, too!!

Lotion pass: put lotion on your nose and pass to child's cheek have child pass back to your face Rub lotion on your child.

Comb hair with child facing you commenting on color, tenure.

Tower of hands: Put lotion or foaming children's soap in your hands and your child's hands and stack them on each other. Use foam to promote any touching between you and your child.

Blow in silly way on your child and have child blow on you.

Any songs with dancing, rocking, finger play.

Any touch, texture or sensory experience: use lotion, foam, play dough, water and play together. Get messy! Be aware of your child's readiness for new sensory experiences and smells.

Activities promoting eye contact: use stickers, cotton, lotion, or anything on your faces to encourage eye contact.

Cuddle time: daily cuddle time with books or songs.

Bottle feeding in a close way encouraging eye contact. For older kids, use silly cups.

Carrying child in sling.

Feed each other cheerios or M&M's.

Tickling.

Doll play modeling nurturing and feeding behaviors.

Much discussion through play, making faces, games, dolls, etc about different feelings. use exaggerated facial expressions.

Make a lifebook: use pictures of orphanage, trip to country where you adopted child, postcards, songs, cultural items, baby pictures, coming home pictures and continue with the child's life in your home.

Use claiming behaviors that say "you are a part of me, this family" : For example, instead of "You have your daddy's eyes", try "You have your daddy's laugh", "You like ice cream, just like me". Incorporate foods or celebrations from country of origin. Use vocabulary regularly to include "our family", "our/my son/daughter", "mommy, daddy", have a barbeque, picnic, family reunion to welcome and celebrate child's adoption; some families have a "shower". Celebrate "Gotcha day" or adoption day, every year.. Dress alike, get a family photo done.

For two adults:

Have child run, hop, somersault, etc, between you both with encouragement and happy greetings upon arriving at each adult.

Hide and seek: with one parent hiding with the child and the other seeking.

Gently swing or carefully "toss" child back and forth.

Swing the child cradled in a blanket while singing.

Wiggle in and out of parents arms.